Nut so bad

March 16, 2010

12:33 am

Today I got an interview. It was anything but ordinary. A panel interview via online network medium. I didn’t expect such interview to happen. First, I earned a bad impression on the agency conducting the interview. As I quote my past connection with the agency, I got some “unfinished small conflict” that I still yet to clarify.

A brief history on my stay there: I was invited to join Philippine Coconut Authority- Zamboanga Research Center around February of 2006 with the chief of the breeding and genetics division. First months I was exposed to the coconut genebank and how rich it was in terms of coconut collection. I recall imagining myself never before to get involve with a perennial crop. Anyway, the center was just a stone’s throw away from my place, so I stick with the flow. I got hired through several projects as Research Assistant to Laboratory Aide II as a contractual employee. I remained that way for 3 years and 8 months as far as I count. I got to experienced a lot of the center’s operation but I was focused in dealing with the Molecular and Genetics Laboratory that had really tried to keep up with the fast pace of molecular technological advancement. Several occasion I got the chance to host programs and organize a choir group that most of the time sings in almost all occasions. Educational and business tours were conducted time to time with people coming from all walks of life and with all ages to visit, learn and taste sweet aromatic minus the aroma buko juice and the infamous biko.

Aside from all the perks and trainings received, I still got a sort of self pity and work-acceptance issue. I thought that I there was more to life than the tree of life. I reflect on my skills, knowledge and of course, my salary. It was mere an amount to start building a home on my own. I often felt inferior towards other people that are either rich or famous or had a regular job in a private firm or in a government agency. The special treatment I received I neglected, the relationships built I simply waived and destroyed for my personal ambition. I stayed but did not get an item due to some not-so-rational rationalization plan of the government. I left just as I was going to be renewed. I was so selfish that I left the people who brought me in to suffer the negative effects of my departure. They entrusted to me their time and energy in teaching me how to become a great researcher like them and I revoke everything in just an instant. It was a mistake I do admit that I learned a lesson the hard way.

In a very long span of 4 months after I left, from nowhere, in an instant there was an opening for a position of Science Research Specialist II which was reserved for me in the past but never given to me due to the RATPLAN. At this time, in a nutshell, I got a bad shot from my former boss and the whole center in general seems to think I betrayed my boss. I applied anyway but with the hopelessness of an illegitimate applicant and that of a dropout. I just submitted in order to submit and just tried to apply. I really never thought that the search committee would still consider me as far as my application is concerned and yet I was wrong. I was interviewed in a very special manner and among the applicants I was the only one given the chance to be panel-interviewed via online.

I was really struck with one statement and question by my former mentor, the division chief that served as my father in the center and my attorney. He always gave me advices, insights and visions on the high prospects of coconut and its applications. I learned to appreciate the crop by seeing things through his eyes and convicted perspective. I was left in awe and speechless when he said about the “bad impression” I left in the center. It was a clock-stopping moment that I felt my heart beats double-time. I realized that it was the one issue that I failed to reflect on because I was in denial to admit that I did what I did. I hurt someone whom treated me the best. Humility is a bit an understatement in order to simply ask for forgiveness. What I really need is a big shot, a second chance to go back and prove my sincerity and earned back the trust that I destroyed. I could not promise to be a perfect apprentice but I would try my very best to earn his/their trust back and never ever destroy it again. Never to put down people who never put you down but helped you stood up most of the times. I remember a story in the bible about the prodigal son who left to enjoy life that he thought was all about doing what you want without discipline and virtues but most focused and self-gratification and physical joys but failed to see the other side. At long last, he realized his faults and asks for pardon without asking for any of the past treatments to be given to him once again but the other side, the father met him in the way and embraced him and celebrated his return. I believe I was that prodigal son who let the center for personal gratification that I failed to see the efforts of my fathers who really made me to become who I am now. I do believe everyone has a prodigal son in them and every prodigal son deserves a second chance.

I answered them with conviction and spoke my heart out. I am sure I felt fulfilled just having that interview and answering those questions. God now holds the answer on whether I am in or out. I am simply thankful for the chance to apply and be treated as fairly as possible. I don’t expect to be hired but I just pray to be readied in the possibilities.

Nothing to loose, I got a scholarship for a master’s degree, a family to back me up and a future that is brighter than I could imagine it to be and a God that I offer everything I do.